She looked down at the verse on her phone again. It made sense to her now. To be still and know that God accepted her no matter who or what caused the sins in her life was something that she so desperately needed. It shifted the blame from her and others to her savior who took them on His own body without complaint. She began to comprehend that Jesus was mutilated beyond recognition and He was placed on display at the top of a garbage heap so that she could be free from the vile guilt and debilitating memories that shattered her existence into pieces too complicated to reassemble by human hands.
There was no glamour to His death. The cross was not smoothly sanded nor stained to perfection. It was quite rough and splinters poked through the already raw back of the Son of God. God, the Father, didn’t have to allow this, but He did it because He knew that some of the lowest of us would feel like we were thrown away like garbage by the world. We were ignored and abused beyond recognition by people who thought our voices would be silenced by their blows. The eyes of the young that once shined with hope and peace now clearly had turned to ice-cold darkness.
No one could show her these truths unless he saw the depths of her soul. No one would be able to teach her this truth and cause it to heal her heart, except the Son of God, Jesus, who was speaking directly to her heart, in a language only she could understand. He showed her that He did understand her pain and misery. He showed her that He was the answer to all of the questions if she would let Him into the dark placed of her heart. She wanted so badly to embrace this love that she felt. She wanted so badly to feel light in her soul that she had not felt for too many years.
The memories were confusing her and she wasn’t sure how to let go of it all. It was like shuffling a deck of cards and trying to keep the good but the bad kept getting shuffled back into her deck. Her mind was telling her to scream in order to silence the thoughts that were trying to hang on to her, but her heart was slowly being revived into a new faith. She felt a peace that passes all understanding settling on her. The struggle that seemed so impossible to overcome finally was breaking over her like clouds dispersing after a storm. She slowly pulled herself onto her bed and fell asleep.